Why is Stealthing a Thing?
The first time I had ever heard about someone being "stealthed" was in Lena Dunham's book Not That Kind of Girl. In her essays Girls and Jerks and Barry she describes an encounter where in the midst of intercourse, she looks up at her roommate's potted plant and sees the condom she thought her partner was wearing. She doesn't initially categorize their encounter as a rape or even an assault. She is sure, however, that she "never gave him permission... to stick himself inside me without a barrier between us."
When I first read her account I remember feeling shock and disgust. "This has to be an isolated experience," I thought. I was wrong.
A recent study done by the Columbia Journal of Gender and Law looked at this growing phenomenon and outlines not only the legal and moral implications but also the psychological damage this behaviour causes. Victims are not only at risk of pregnancy and STDs, but they suffer from a deep feeling of violation. Many expressed a feeling of disempowerment and a loss of body autonomy and dignity.
What is most disturbing is the attitudes of those who condone and even promote stealthing. Online groups share tips on how to stealth and how to tamper with condoms so they tear and come off. Some actually hold the belief that a man had the right to "spread his seed" or remove the condom because it hinders his pleasure.
This trend comes at a time where women in the US are having to fight for affordable birth control, health care, and access to safe and affordable abortions. Those who fall prey to these "men" are now faced with the costs associated with unprotected sex, including STD and pregnancy tests and the costs incurred from any positive results.
Make no mistake, this is sexual assault. By removing the condom without the consent of their partner any consent given for sexual intimacy is voided. This is a form of violence that cannot be understated. It is not about a mutual enjoyable experience, but about one party displaying dominance over the other.