Battling to Find Personal Body Positivity.

I'd love to say that what people think doesn't affect me, but that would be a lie and I am a terrible liar. It still stings when I think of my mother and grandmother discussing my weight when I was eight, or the girl in the 7th grade who told me I'd be really pretty if I'd just lose some weight, and the guy who, when passing me on the street, felt he needed to point out to me that I'm fat (as if I hadn't noticed before). The list goes on, and on, and on. They are with me every time I eat in public, when I shop for groceries, when I try on clothes, when I leave the relative safety of my home.

And while the internet has made the world smaller, allowing us to connect with people all over the globe, it has also given access and liberty to the worst among us. I try not to let ugly comments get to me like, all fat people are "lazy pieces of shit," made by individuals like Gavin McInnes in his video Why Are Women So Fat? It is almost impossible for people, who have been conditioned their entire lives to believe they have no value because of their appearance, to just simply ignore it. People like him voice the very ideas that we fear people are thinking, making those fears a reality.

What's even worse is they attempt to mask their prejudices by feigning concern over the "unhealthy body type" being promoted by fat acceptance and body positivity advocates. These concern trolls, however, never seem concerned over the promotion of unhealthy bodies that conform to societal standards. Nearly 95% of models are underweight and it is this influence that has caused eating disorders to increase to nearly epidemic proportions.

I'd like to say that people like McInnes are rare, but that is not the case. Fortunately, however, there is a movement to counter this hatred and ignorance. The first time I saw a body that looked like mine (that wasn't used as a punchline) was instagrammer Courtney Mina, (@khaleesidelrey). She was open and frank about, what she calls, her "fluffy legs." I had never seen someone like me post an unapologetic lingerie photo, especially online. And it was beautiful. She was beautiful. Never underestimate the importance of representation. Seeing people who look like me made me realise that I am not alone. I am not unnatural. I am a person. And I deserve to exist, free in my own skin.

My appearance does not dictate the content of my character or my intellectual capacity. Appearance is considered fair game as a way to discredit, mock, and silence women. Bill O'Reilly, for example, mockingly said that he couldn't focus on what Congresswoman Maxine Waters way saying because of her "James Brown Wig." And Trump made disparaging comments to Rolling Stone Magazine during an interview about fellow GOP candidate Carly Fiorina looks: "Look at that face. Would anyone vote for that?" When will we, as a society, finally say enough is enough? Our bodies are merely vessels and shouldn't be used as an excuse to discriminate or discredit.

Society has always tried to control women through their appearance, sexuality, and the shame involved with nonconformity. What we wear, how we act, what we say. Be a Lady. In her Diets Don't Work podcast on Fearless Rebelle Radio, Summer Innanen explains how between 75-80% of weight factors are beyond our control, such as genetics, environment, and hormones. She explains how the diet industry not only created the current obesity epidemic, but also fuels it. People are making money off our insecurities and our misery.

Why is the worst thing a woman can be is fat? Imagine how much we could accomplish if we weren't expected to exert so much energy on the external. What if women were taught to love their bodies and to support each other, not to see other women as the enemy or competition? In today's society, loving yourself is an act of rebellion. And I am ready for the revolution.